• Just Your Average Joe!

      Just Your Average Joe!
      by GayLord Jacobs

      If They Weren’t Them, Who Would They Be?


      People often idolize the Rich and Famous as if they are somehow different from us. Sure, most of them have more money as than we, but otherwise, they are only human being. Do you ever wonder what your life may have been like had you been born into money, or gotten a break here, a nod there, etcetera? Well, that door swings both ways… And here’s my take on had they not been famous, What Would Have Been!


      1. Jordan Peele-Ophthalmologist.

      2. Celine Dion- High End Cosmetics Sales Associate.
      3. Denzel Washington- Motivational Speaker.
      4. Obama- #1 AMWAY Representative 3 years running
      5. Elton John- Hotel Night Auditor.
      6. Drake- City Bus Driver.
      7. Eminem- Auto Mechanic.
      8. Terrence Howard- Maintenance Worker for Public Housing.
      9. Shonda Rhimes- Regional Director for Internal Revenue.
      10. Michael Jackson- Disney Theme Park Associate.
      11. Patti Labelle- Home Economics Teacher.
      12. Jim Carrey- Emergency Response Team (EMT) Ambulance Supervisor.
      13. Phylicia Rashad- Principal.
      14. Martin Lawrence- D.C. Police Officer.
      15. Willem Defoe- Heads Apple’s Corporate Management Team.
      16. Oprah- Advisory Neighborhood (ANC) Commissioner.
      17. Boy George- Makeup Artist.
      18. Tyler Perry- Owns a franchise of successful Haberdashery in D.C., N.Y. ATL., and L.A.
      19. Eva Mendez- Physicians Assistant (The one that can’t ever get to work on time.)
      20. Kevin Hart- Budget Rental Car employee.
      21. Paris Hilton – Works at TGI Friday.
      22. George Lopez- Congressman.
      23. Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) - Insurance Salesman.
      24. Brandy- Dental Hygienist.
      25. Adele- Veterinarian Technician at Petsmart.
      26. Monique- School Cafeteria Worker (The one that all of the kids are afraid of)
      27. Jackie Chan- Gardner.
      28. Prince- Local Government Events Planner.
      29. Will Smith- Deer Park Water Delivery Guy.
      30. Larry David- Cobbler.
      31. Andre 3000- Zoo employee.
      32. Macy Gray- Teacher’s Aid.
      33. Salma Hayek- Sells Handmade Jewelry.
      34. T.I. - College Football Coach.
      35. Madonna- Costume Designer.
      36. Beyonce’- Administrative Assistant at Face Book.
      37. Mick Jagger- Pilot for Spirit Airlines.
      38. John Leguizamo- That really cool LGBTQ Counselor that’s not gay.
      39. Ceelo Greene- Choir Director.
      40. Rosie O’Donnell- Jiffy Lube Supervisor.
      41. SNOOP- Charter School Football Coach.
      42. Sylvester Stallon-Tow Truck Driver.
      43. Idris Elba-Politician.
      44. Dr. Ken Jeong (aka Mr. Cho) - Gymnastics Instructor.
      45. Mike Tyson-Ex-Offender that’s a Gang Rehabilitation Counselor.
      46. Rihanna- Parking Control Aid that sells Weed when she’s off duty.
      47. George Clooney-Professional Skier.
      48. Roseanne Barr-Grocery Store Clerk.
      49. Jay-Z-Second Chance Sports Agent.
      50. Janeane Garofalo- 7th Grade Sex Ed Teacher.
      51. D.L. Hughley- 12th Grade Guidance Counselor.
      52. Steve Martin-Luxury Car Salesman.
      53. Whoopi Goldberg- Department of Public Works Supervisor.
      54. Pierce Bronson- Illegal Art Dealer.
      55. Nicki Minaj- Exotic Dancer.
      56. Drew Barrymore-Barista.
      57. Chris Brown- Owns a Strip Club named Amateurs Up.
      58. Kunal Nayyar-Museum docent.
      59. Queen Latifa-Plumber.
      60. Benicio DelToro-Mortician.
      61. Angela Bassett- Theatrical Drama Teacher.
      62. Donald Trump- Parking Garage Attendant.
      63. Regina King- Recruiter of Professional Cheerleaders.
      64. Robert Downey Jr. – Hotel Concierge.
      65. Miley Cyrus- Snake Charmer.
      66. Floyd Mayweather- Freshest and most In Demand Limo Driver on the West coast.
      67. Pink- Celebrity Dog Groomer.
      68. Adam Sandler- Kids Party Clown that plays too damn much.
      69. Jada Pinkett Smith- That DMV Supervisor that won’t help for shit.
      70. Cathy Bates- Wal-Mart Manager.
      71. Wendy Williams- Works in a Bridal Shop.
      72. DJ Khaled- Host of Pimp My Ride reboot.
      73. Bruno Mars- Owns a Tee-Shirt Stand on the Boardwalk in Atlantic City
      74. Kobe Bryant- Legal-shield Associate.
      75. Jack Black- Team Soccer Dad.
      76. Justice Bieber-Seasonal Employee at Abercrombie and Fitch.
      77. Cedric the Entertainer- Janitor that know everybody’s name.
      78. Hugh Jackman- Employee at Harley Davidson.
      79. Sarah Paulson- Shady Commercial Real-estate Developer.
      80. Kanye West- Orderly at Psychiatric Institution.
      81. Stephen Curry- Has a tennis shoe cleaning Kiosk in the Mall.
      82. Viola Davis- Lounge Singer that only knows 3 songs.
      83. Bill Gates- Street Pharmaceuticals of the Meth Variety ala Breaking Bad
      84. Mila Kunis- Bartender.
      85. Donald Glover (Childish Gambino) - An inexperienced Wing Chung Kung Fu Instructor.
      86. Ariana Grande-Professional Babysitter.
      87. Ella Mai- Fannie Mae Intern.
      88. Tyrese Gibson- Construction Worker that will be fired by week’s end.
      89. PewDiePie- The Information Technology (I.T.) Guy.
      90. Abel Tesfaye (The Weeknd)- Dee Jay at the Skating Rink.
      91. Michelle Obama- Buyer for Nordstrom’s
      92. Courtney B. Vance- History Teacher that only teaches Black History.
      93. Julia Roberts- Headmaster of an unaccredited Boarding School.
      94. Lil Wayne- Warehouse Worker who Details Cars on the side
      95. Missy Elliott- Club Bouncer that nobody fucks with.
      96. Gwyneth Paltrow- Works at Hair Cuttery.
      97. Cuba Gooding Jr. - Amusement Park Caricature Artist.
      98. Ed Sheerean- Short-Order Cook.
      99. Quentin Tarantino- Uppity Sommelier (Wine Taster) that uses too many curse words.
      100.Michael B. Jordan- Partner with Chris Brown